by Leesa Myers
When my son, Jay, told me he was gay, I knew he was uncomfortable with me asking him questions. I really wanted to be sensitive to his feelings, but I didn?t know exactly what it meant to be gay. I had questions.? I had a friend I had known for several years who was gay. I knew I could ask him anything and he would be straightforward with me.? I called Mike when I got home from my evening with Jay.? I told Mike that Jay had told me he was gay; he asked how I felt.
?I am OK with it, I am just sad that Jay didn?t feel safe enough to tell me until now. ?I really want to know what you went through and what is it to be gay.?
Mike told me he had a hard time telling his parents and still to this day his parents are not comfortable with his sexuality, even though they say they have accepted him. Mike came from a strong Catholic family. In fact, he and his family thought that one day he would be a priest.
But he had a long and powerful relationship which brought him to Utah. When his partner broke up with him, it was devastating.? He went into self-destruct mode. He began binge eating and became very promiscuous, avoiding relationships, looking for men to have sex which took him to his lowest of lows. He eventually found a 12-step program and changed his life.
I asked Mike about being gay, he said, ?Everyone?s mind immediately goes to sex and how two men can have sex together.?? Mike put it very bluntly, which I wanted.
?We are not doing anything that your husband has not asked you to do in the privacy of your own bedroom,? he said.
He went on to explain that a relationship is more than that for you and for me or anyone.? It?s about being intimate, it?s about loving, sharing and caring and building a life with the one you love.? We want the same things, to have a life with a partner, to have a family, to be accepted and to be loved for ourselves. Mike said I could call him anytime and if Jay needed help he could call his ?auntie Mikey? too.
I left that conversation understanding that Jay is going to have the same experiences of dating, of getting hurt, wanting to build a relationship and have a family just like any straight man or woman. I can support Jay as I do his sister in her struggles, pains and triumphs.
It was good to talk with Mike; even today I have many great friends that are gay, lesbian and transgender that I can call and ask questions and get advice.? Jay and I have built a stronger relationship since he told me that he?s gay, we are able to talk openly and he also has brought me literature to read.
What I learned is that if I want help I can ask friends and that there are a lot of resources available too.? Here are some resources that can help if you are looking for answers: utahpridecenter.org, equalityutah.org, community.pflag.org, hrc.org, gaysaltlake.org/directory and Coming Out to Parents by Mary V. Borhek.
Leesa Myers is a positive change consultant and can be reached at Leesa@LeesaMyers.com and leesamyers.com.
Source: http://gaysaltlake.com/2012/08/25/moms-viewpoint-if-you-dont-know-phone-a-friend/
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